Waiting for THAT Christmas

25/12/2000, Christmas Day

My dear diary…

“Can Christmas really bring two people back together or will they be lost as well as their memories?”
That was the last thing that I wrote in my diary and since then I have never written again…

Tomorrow is Christmas and I haven’t gotten any presents yet! What should I do? All the shops are full of kids who are crying and see the toys as something that will make them really happy and parents who don’t like Christmas like they did when they were younger. I think my nephews don’t need presents for this year, they are very mature to understand that their aunt doesn’t have the strength anymore to buy presents-and generally celebrate Christmas. The best Christmas for me would be alone at home, watching old Christmas movies with a cup of hot chocolate in one hand and a remote control in the other.

But every year my sister manages to interrupt my personal peace and call me for the annual Christmas meeting all the family has to celebrate Christmas. And every year, because I don’t want to disappoint them, I go with the same fake smile and a bag full of presents. I am like Santa Claus without any of the Christmas’ vibes. I must survive this year too, so I am going to get the presents, before I change my mind.

Today, I woke up in a total disaster. I woke up from a strong smell of something. Unfortunately, it took me a lot of time to recognize that this something was something that was burning slowly. Immediately, I wore my Christmas slippers, which my sister got me, and ran like the whole world was ending. I went down the stairs and what did I see… my best friend Lisa cooking, or better burning, some Christmas cookies. I made her go away and I immediately turned off the oven. I was scared to death. Her excuse was that, because of the day, she wanted to surprise me and woke me up with some Christmas cookies. I regretted the day that I gave her an extra key for the house, because our houses are near and if I need something she can immediately come. But after all this disaster, she wanted me to go shopping with her, because she is single too, and she doesn’t have anything to do days like these. In the end, I agreed, but something was making me worry.

Everywhere there were people taking their morning walk, in the snowy streets, and especially a lot of couples. It was Christmas, but I couldn’t feel it. While we were walking, because I am so stupid, I wasn’t looking in front of me, so, as a result, I collided with someone. I felt so stupid, and I immediately gave my hand to help. But when he gave me his hand, I felt something that I had had a lot of years to feel. We looked at each other. I saw again these big, brown eyes that were keeping me company during those unforgettable nights on the roof of the old apartment building where I lived. I couldn’t be wrong. It was him!

I couldn’t say a word. But neither did he. I could tell from his face that he recognized me too. Lisa was standing there and couldn’t understand anything. I talked to her about him once when one day she randomly found my diary and read it. He talked first and said, “Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground”. That was a quote that we found in a book, in a book of the many we have explored. A tear started making a path of old memories and I started living in my childhood life once again. I immediately hugged him and couldn’t let him until I found out…

I woke up, looked outside the window and realized that not all the stories have a happy ending and maybe I have to wait much longer until I find him, if I find him on some Christmas day like he promised me.

…my faith will stay strong until I find you, even if it takes hours, days, years or a whole life.